‘You’re killing yourself’

By Rev. Rebecca Teguns

I want to begin with a little boasting – not in myself – but in the incredible faithfulness, mercy, and steadfast love of my God. Abba, thank you for your extravagant goodness toward me. You have given me the most precious gift a human being can possess, an intimate relationship with you through your beloved Son, my Messiah, Yeshua. And for that, I am eternally grateful.  

I can testify without hesitation that I have never regretted for one moment accepting God’s gracious invitation to step out of the kingdom of darkness and into his marvelous light in Messiah Yeshua, our Lord, although it took almost twenty-seven years for me to put my hand to the plow and never look back (Col. 1:13; Luke 9:62). That most glorious of days – June 19, 1985 – is the best day of my entire life. 

My background is similar to many Jews who grow up in America today. I come from a nominally religious – secular – family. My mother was Christian, and my father was Jewish, but neither of them practiced their respective faith traditions. Our lives were unique in the sense that – unlike other kids in the neighborhood – my sister and I got to celebrate all the holidays. The best, of course, were Hannukah and Christmas, which meant extra gifts for my sister and me. We were special! 

Culturally, I grew up in a very Jewish context. Although my parents were nominal in their faith, my grandparents were practicing Jews – particularly my grandmother who grew up in an orthodox home. This meant that we celebrated the Sabbath every week as a family. My grandparents kept a kosher home. We celebrated all the feasts and festivals and went to temple with my grandparents – Temple Emmanuel in North Dallas – on holidays and Shabbat. Judaism was a foundational and influential part of my life in many ways.

One of the more difficult issues that children growing up in nominal Jewish-Christian households face is the lack of a sense of belonging. Because my mother was not Jewish, and according to the Rabbis – some, but not all – the Jewish lineage is determined through the mother and not the father, my cultural upbringing within Judaism was never fully realized as a religious option. At one point I desired to explore the orthodox Jewish faith tradition but never pursued it. I wasn’t a Christian either, so I grew up with a sense of religious homelessness outside of both Christianity and Judaism. I did not fit into either, in essence a square peg in a round hole. But God…

In November of 1984 , God intervened supernaturally in my life . I’ll never forget it . I t was a Sunday morning after a long weekend of excessive cocaine/alcohol bingeing , and everyone had gone to bed . I was left alone with my thoughts when I heard a voice – w hich I now recognize as the Holy Spiri t – s ay to me , “you are killing yourself . ” M iraculously, from that moment forward , the desire to do drugs was completely gone. God in h is mercy had completely healed me that morning . I never craved or touched another drug from that point forward.

Shortly thereafter, in February of 1985 , I moved to Atlanta to work for my uncle , and by God’s grace, I moved in with my cousin Mike who had become a believer the year before . Hoping that the move to Atlanta would give me a new start in life, I realize d very quickly that my old life had followed me to Atlanta and that there was something seriously amiss . It began to dawn on me that the issue s I was facing in my new life w eren’t circumstantial , but rather something was wrong with me .  The life I had cultivated before moving to Atlanta – all the failures, irresponsibility , and broken relationships I had left behind in Dallas – began to reemerge ; it was very disturbing to say the least. How was I to get out of this cycle of sin and defeat that had plagued my life for almost 27 years? What I didn’t know at the time was that God was at work and that h e had a plan for my life that was unfolding. 

Shortly after I moved into Mike’s home , he bought me a Bible , and in June 1985 , invited me to a Christian conference . A lthough I despised Christianity at that time, I agreed to go, albeit with great reservation. The conference, Basic Life Principals led by Bill Gothard, was a week-long conference . God began to speak to my heart on the first day , and by Thursday of that week I was undone . On the evening of Thursday June 19 , I shared with Mike what was going on in my heart , the revelation of the living God through Yeshua the Messiah that I was e ncountering during the conference. Is it true that Yeshua is the restorer and redeemer of mankind ?  Mike assured me that yes, it was true ; Yeshua is the giver of l ife and h e would restore and redeem my life just as h e had redeemed Mike’s life the year before. Now fully convinced that God was real, I prayed with Mike that night to receive Yeshua as my Lord and Savior.

From that point forward, t hings in my life began to shift radically, particularly when the Lord opened the scriptures to me : I couldn’t get enough of God’s word. By early August , Mike invited me to church , and I began to attend First Baptist Atlanta and was baptized on September 15 , 1985 .  

At that time First Baptist had a Messianic Jewish ministry led by a Jewish believer, Paul Diamond . It was through this ministry – and others – that I was reconciled to Yeshua the Jewish Messiah that had revealed h imself to me so long ago .   

The Rev. Dr. Rebecca Teguns is currently the Associate Priest a New Jerusalem House of Prayer in Carol Stream, Illinois.